One Last Joke
by Ax Xue
Summary: Raphael goes berserk on his brothers; guest appearances by Batman characters.    Wrote this years ago and remembered it after recently discovering this site. Intended to be the story that I always wanted to hear. Hope others like it.


Xander Xue

3/13/2007

**One Last Joke**

Deep down in the sewers of New York, an argument ensues among cryptic inhabitants.

"I am sick and tired of your bullshit! There's a madman running loose out there, and we're just here sitting here on our asses doing nothing about it."

"Raph, I understand that you think we need to get involved, but this doesn't affect us. Just leave it be."

"Doesn't affect us? What about Casey, Leo? Isn't he one of us? Don't you think he's out there right now doing the right thing?"

The one called Raphael refers to their close ally and friend, Casey Jones.

"We're not vigilantes. It is not our responsibility to protect civilians. That job's for the police to handle."

"Listen to yourself, you coward. What happened to the honorable and chivalrous Leo? Innocent lives are being lost, and you don't think it's your duty to stop that?"

"The way of the Ninja is to stay hidden in the shadows, only revealing yourself when absolutely necessary in order to strike your enemy. What ninjas don't do is display false bravado while rescuing damsels in distress."

"I'm sick of this crap. You know what, 'fearless leader'? I'm defecting. You're no longer in charge of me."

The mutant turns his back to his brother and former comrade-in-arms.

"Raph, you may resent my opinion on the matter, but just remember that these are also Master Splinter's orders. And we both know that you at least respect him."

Raphael stops in his steps, keeping his back turned as he refuses to face the one named Leonardo.

"What he won't know won't hurt him," he exhales deeply under his breath.

Raphael continues exiting out of the turtles' lair. A few seconds pass in silence, then Leonardo yells, "God damn it, Raph! Get it through your head. You're not one of them. You're not now, and you never will be. They'll never accept you for who you are."

Enraged, Raphael turns and stares intently at Leonardo.

"Fuck you, Leo! You better hope we never see each other again, because if we do, I'll crack your fucking shell apart."

Concealed in the darkness beyond the detection of the quarreling rivals, the remaining two turtle brothers witness Raphael leaving the lair. These two teenagers, known as Michelangelo and Donatello, have seen Raphael's temper create conflicts and the subsequent exiting in the past. But this time the line has been crossed. They solemnly stare at the back of Raphael's shell, fearing that he is storming off for good.

"HELP! HELP ME! I'M BEING RAPED! ANYONE HELP!"

A young woman screams in a dark alleyway as three masked thugs have their way with her. They have already humiliated the lady by tearing away at her clothing, leaving her most personal regions exposed outside in the cold slums of New York. Only rags remain draping upon her as the brutes prepare to violate her. Secluded in the desolate and abandoned ghetto, the molesters are not worried by the woman's incessant and hopeless cries. They have their way with her, knowing that nobody can hear her scream. No person at least.

Raphael soars down from the rooftops right on top of one of the rapists, effectively knocking him out as he shatters his skull and half the bones in his body. Still infuriated with his brother, he shows the other two punks no mercy. He unsheathes his sais and deliver each a nonfatal wound, one to the shoulder and another into the sides. Screeching in pain, Raphael relieves them by rendering them unconscious with the butt of his sais. He approaches the woman he has just saved.

"Are you all right?"

Before she can answer, two bullets enter into the back of her head.

"You know, I was hoping to catch old Bats with this bait. Pretty lady screaming in the middle of the night, in the part of the city that no sane person would be caught dead walking around in. One would think he would come in ten seconds flat. I'm a bit disappointed in my old chum," spouted the owner of the two bullets.

Still shocked by the casual and instantaneous manner this man just took as he eradicated another life, Raphael did not seem to be too alarmed by the outlandish purple suit, white face, and unnaturally wide smile this man was wearing. The Joker, as he is known, began to approach the terrapin.

"How could, wh-why did you kill her? What the hell is wrong with you?" Raphael inquired of the madman.

"She was of no more use to me. She was the bait in the trap, the trap was sprung, no more need for the bait. Granted, I caught the wrong guy, but it's just a hell of a lot funnier to see the look on your little face as she keeled over. I mean, think of it, you go through all this trouble kicking the living shit out of my guys just to see the woman you saved eat lead. HAHAHAHAHA!" the Joker maniacally laughed.

"This isn't funny, you freak"

"Freak? FREAK? Look who's talking, buddy. You're a walking, talking, what, frog? AHAHAHAHA! Come on, pal, laugh. It's funny. Man, you're all gloomy and depressing. Hmm, just like the Bats. And you couldn't help but to save a troubled young female. Hmm. You also rampaged through all the bad guys, beating them within an inch of their life, as if you got some giant chip on your shoulder. And you have no sense of humor, exactly like the Bats. Maybe this wasn't a waste after all."

Immediately, the Joker pulls out a spray bottle from his back pocket and shoots a stream of liquid all over Raphael's face.

"AHH, what the hell is this stuff? It burns! My face is burning!"

"It's a little potion I made, derived from my own laughing gas. Instead of becoming irrevocably happy, this taps into your inner rage and makes you insanely angry. This little beauty is why I'm in the big apple. Some hot shot scientist who works on anger hormones was traveling here and I needed him to create this concoction for me. While on vacation, though, the big bad Bat followed me here. My fault, really. In my fun and jest, I left a trail of bodies with a big smile, including the brainiac who helped me with the anger potion. That's why I made this trap. I was hoping to use my new anger serum on the Bats, but you'll do just as well. I'll set you loose in the city, and ol' Batty won't have a choice but to stop you. Your fight will destroy most everything around you, and even if he wins, he'll be weak and ready for me to pounce. It'll be my one last joke on him. HAHAHA."

Full of more anger than ever before, Raphael spends the next week rioting through New York, maiming the society that would never accept him, but instead fear and cast off as a freak. He destroys office buildings, stores, and cars while brutalizing civilians. Being a terror, he becomes a news sensation, plastered on the front page of every newspaper and discussed on every television station. It does not take long before the costumed avenger referred to as the Batman takes notice.

The Dark Knight slinks in the darkness, patrolling along the rooftops. Although he first came to New York to stop his arch nemesis from taking any more lives, his priority now shifts as this new horror threatens the city. Not witnessing any murders in the past week with the Joker's usual MO, he suspects the clown is the one behind this chaos. The Batman patiently observes the streets, waiting for Raphael to strike.

Meanwhile, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello make a rare visit outside of the sewers in pursuit of their brother. Hearing about his misadventures from their above ground human correspondent, Ms. April O'Neil, they desperately seek answers for Raphael's overzealous behavior. They have been searching for the past six nights, still without any luck. At least, not any good luck.

The turtles are detected by the Batman's omnipresent view as they slink out of the manhole. Matching the descriptions relayed by the mass media, the Batman immediately suspects them to be his target. Although reports stated that there was only one villain, it seems all the more practical to the detective that all this mayhem was in fact stirred by three seemingly identical looking mutants. The costumed vigilante immediately descends to ground level, halting any further movement by the ninjas.

"You three, you're coming with me," growls the masked knight.

"Damn it, we've been seen. Who is this guy, anyway?" remarks a surprised Michelangelo.

"I don't know, but a man dressed in all black sneaking through the night can't be good news. He appears to be wearing a pretty sturdy suit, armed with serrated gloves and what appears to be a utility belt. Probably has enough individual manpower to take out any one that happens to get in his way," the attentive Donatello observes.

"Those murders from before. The one Raph wanted to get involved with. I have just one guess as to who's the one behind them. And I bet he's also responsible for Raph's psychotic behavior. Let's get him!" Leonardo orders.

The turtles unsheathe their weapons and approach their foe. Individually, any one of them could already be more than a challenge for the Batman. But as a group, armed with weapons and on their home terrain, they certainly have the advantage. The vigilante knows he cannot afford to make any mistakes. He realizes that one of his enemies carries only a single bo staff, making him the easiest to disarm. Another carries two swords, causing him to be the most lethal. Quickly, he grabs one Batarang in each hand and aims at the bo and one of the swords. Both shots hit their target, knocking each of the weapons away from their owner. Catching the terrapins by surprise, the Batman capitalizes and knocks down the third, fully armed one. He reaches down and grabs him in a rear chokehold, using him as a shield between himself and the other two. As he strangles all the air out of him, he grabs his two nunchucks and throws them aside.

"Drop the sword or else I wring out his neck," threatens the dark knight.

Hesitant, Leonardo tosses it aside, unready to risk the life of his brother. The Batman then proceeds to shove Michelangelo into a wall, rendering him unconscious.

"You bastard!" exclaims an enraged Donatello.

The two ninjas surround the Batman, unleashing a flurry of strikes and takedowns. Although the Batman is preventing any serious injury, he cannot suffer this overwhelming smother much longer. Unfortunately, he does not need to. Diving from above, Raphael drop kicks the Batman in the head. Having earlier retrieved Donatello's staff before he made his presence known, he advances with weapon in hand towards his two remaining conscious adversaries. Although ordinarily any two of the turtles would be more than a match for any individual, this time the individual is flushed with anger, while being rested, carrying weapons, and unbound in his brutality. His two brothers on the other hand have just been battling with one of the greatest fighters in the world, are unarmed, and reserved in their ability to hurt their brother.

Raphael begins to batter his brothers, attacking viciously at their more vulnerable heads and limbs. Unadjusted to fighting one of their own, Leonardo and Donatello ineffectively targets Raphael's shell. As Raphael proceeds in wearing down his brothers, Leonardo is able to get a lucky kick in, snapping the bo in half. Growling, Raphael makes a backhand motion with one of the staff halves, thereby sending Leonardo into a deep slumber. With only one tired and weaponless brother left, Raphael grins as he focuses on Donatello. Using the two halves of the bo as kama sticks, he swiftly knocks him down and cruelly thrashes him.

Bordering between life and death, Donatello manages to utter under his breath, "I beg you, Raph, have mercy."

"Oh, so sorry Donnie, all out of mercy today."

Raphael continues to pummel him even after he stops moving, overflowing with bloodlust.

"Stop Raph! You can't do this! He's your brother!" screams an awakened Michelangelo.

"Oh goody, seconds."

Raphael discovers a pair of nunchucks on the ground. He discards the broken bo staff and picks up Michelangelo's signature weapon. Michelangelo hobbles over to his other pair. However, it is meaningless as Raphael continues with his onslaught, pounding down Michelangelo with his own weapon as he had done to Donatello.

Right before Michelangelo slips away from the breathing world, Raphael whispers into his ear, "Hey Mikey, don't you just love being a turtle?"

Sadistically laughing, he keeps flailing the nunchuck against his motionless brother.

"What have you done, you motherfucker! You killed them, you killed our brothers!" exhales a wary Leonardo. "I'm going to put a stop to this, Raph. One way or another."

"I don't think so, Leo."

Each of them finds one of Leonardo's blades near them. They engage in a classic samurai duel, finding themselves equal in fencing prowess. The two pose a high guard and clash, trapping them in a stalemate. Looking to turn the tides in his favor, Raphael unsheathes a sai with his left hand and drives it into Leonardo's exposed abdomen. Without hesitation, Raphael then slices off Leonardo's hands, thereby effectively disarming him.

"I always told you all that I was the best. Now do you believe me?" Raphael gloats.

Kicking his brother to the ground onto his back, he unsheathes his other sai and towers over his vanquished brother. He raises his signature weapon high into the air, and launches them into Leonardo's chest.

"Remember what I said, Leo? Next time we meet, I'm cracking your fucking shell open."

The Batman, finally stirring into consciousness, awakens just in time to witness the atrocity. Grabbing firmly onto both sai handles lodged into Leonardo's plastron, Raphael raises his fallen victim above his shoulders and slams his body onto his knee, fracturing his carapace. He then tugs away on his sais, channeling all his strength into completing the clean break across Leonardo's shell. After exposing his brother's internal stomach, he drops his spiritless corpse onto the ground, removing his prized weapons out of his shell. As he turns around, he eats a sidekick right into his mouth. For the first time in a week, Raphael has finally been taken down.

"You're a monster. Witness the atrocities you have incited. View the slayings you have committed upon your own kind. Look at them!" the dark knight enrages.

The Batman grabs Raphael by the throat and buries his face one inch away from Leonardo's cadaver, forcing him to smell the putrid musk of his throttled body. Engulfed with the sickening smell, Raphael for an instance is released from the influence of the anger serum, overcome with remorse over killing his only brothers. He ponders what would Master Splinter, his father, think? What about Casey and April? He has just slaughtered his fraternity, destroyed his family. Suddenly, the anger kicks in again, except this time channeled against someone else: the Joker.

Raphael elbows the Batman in his kidney and runs off. Down only momentarily, the dark knight stands and watches a murderer run off into the night.

The Batman is the greatest detective in the world, and it does not take him long to track down the insane terrapin. Blood trails, hastily damaged property, and subtle markings created by sais lead the Batman to another blood-bathed scene. With the Joker limp, but still conscious, clutched in his left arm, Raphael cocks back his right arm, sai in hand, ready to stab the clown prince.

"Don't do it, Raphael. You have already murdered. Don't further stain your hands with more blood. I know there's good in you. I don't know why you razed down New York and your brothers, but I know it's not you. And seeing you with the Joker, I can only assume that he was the one behind this. There is another way, a heroic way. It's hard, but it's what separates us from them. This man has taken from me, but if I were to take his life in return, what would make me any better than him?" lectured the Batman.

But as his late brother had said, they're not vigilantes. They're not superheroes. They do not fight for the cause of justice. No, they're assassins. They're killers and spies. They're ninjas. And thus Raphael progresses, as a ninja would do. He has avenged his family.

"You're no better than him now. You're just a cold blooded killer. You've tasted the blood, and now you will never stop," gasps the disappointed Batman.

"It was meant for you."

"What?"

"The anger drug. He meant to give it to you. Your rivalry with him, your decision to keep him alive when you could have ended it, is the reason for my brothers' death. That was why this jester had to die. No more blood will now be shed in his name."

"I, I'm sorry, then. I cannot bring back your brother Leonardo, but the others, Michelangelo and Donatello, they live. They were able to receive medical attention in time, and they are now at the hospital. I can take you there."

"No, no, too much has changed. Things will never be the same among us. And we are now known by the humans. We can never return to how it was. Our way of life is over."

"How can you dismiss the reunion with your brothers so quickly? How can you turn your back so hastily?"

"Vigilante, what would happen to you if you were ever exposed to the public? Would you remain as you are now? Could you continue living as a bat, with your enemies knowing your deepest secret? Your anonymity gone."

"I, I understand. But still, a new life can await you. You could help me defeat others like this man in Gotham City. Together, we can help change this world into a better place, so that what happened to your brother will not happen to anyone else ever again."

"No. You are still the man responsible for my brother's death. I could never work with you."

The dark knight watches as the teenage mutant ninja turtle walks away. And as he watches him descend into the sewers, he wonders to himself, has he just made a new ally, or a new enemy?


End file.
